‘To the End’: part 3

Wednesday 14^th December, 2011

I just finished reading through my notes for SLA and ICC. My head is swimming. We really covered a lot of different material over the past 15 weeks. In particular, for SLA there are so many different theories. I realised when I was reading my notes that I have already forgotten a lot of them and so much more besides; especially from the first five weeks. This is very annoying – I wish my memory was better! I studied so hard for the SLA exam in week six and now so much has slipped right out of my memory. I will have to do some revision during my winter vacation period.

Overall, I think SLA has been the most ‘academically’ demanding aspect of the course. There are so many different theories and ideas, some of which can seem a little abstract or not directly applicable to my actual classroom. I will definitely have to go back over all the reading at some point. Reading my notes today was interesting though. I was especially looking for things I could relate to my teaching practice as per the aims of the final presentation. In the end I think I found the things I want to talk about.

Reading my ICC notes was interesting too. Although there is significantly less material from ICC due to the reduced amount of class time, I believe this class has fundamentally changed how I think of my job as a teacher. It has also changed how I want to approach being a teacher.

For both ICC and SLA there an abundance of writers, ideas and concepts I want to investigate further now that the course is drawing to a close. I am really looking forward to delving into some of the areas we talked about in class on my own time and at my leisure.

‘To the End’: part 2

Tuesday 13^th December, 2011

I spent more time examining my videos today. Choosing just two illustrative clips is proving difficult. Trying to find short, one or two minute, clips that depict a lot of different ideas, theories and practices is quite difficult. I am actually sick of looking at myself.

I also took time today to read through my methodology notes. These are the notes I made during actual class time. It was really interesting to see how certain ideas and concepts have recurred over the duration of the course. I think this helped me to get a clearer idea of what I want to talk about during the presentation. The main problem really is that there is so much to think about, so many ideas and issues that affect classroom practice that it is difficult to choose something representative. Nevertheless, I think I roughly know what I will discuss.

Reading through my answers to the methodology reading questions from the first several weeks was useful as well. Like my early blog posts they indicate someone who is uncertain and insecure in the role of teacher; full of doubts and concerns. I suppose I am still full of concerns but am now confident there are things I can do to positively affect any problems that do arise.

Now, I am going to read through my ICC and SLA notes and start planning the final presentation.

‘To The End’: part 1

‘Well, it looks like we might have made it
Yes, it looks like we've made it to the end.’

(Blur, ‘To the End’)

Monday 12^th December

I started preparing for the final presentation today. The first thing I did was read through all my blog posts. It was interesting to be reminded of the various ups and downs that have occurred over the past 15 weeks or so. My early blog posts are definitely those of someone suffering a crisis of confidence – they are full of despairing questions about why classes failed and are pretty representative of the deep insecurity I feel (felt?) about being a teacher. Happily, as the blog progresses notes of confidence and increasing self-awareness begin to creep in. When I look at the teacher who began the course all those weeks ago (it seems longer ago than it was) and the teacher I am now I have to conclude there has been some ‘growth’.

The blog reveals a growing confidence that is completely tied to the new ideas and techniques I have been introduced to. As I have become aware of and experimented with MIC and schema and the affective filter and CI I have definitely become more comfortable and confident in the role of teacher. I can honestly say I am looking forward to the future now that I have proven to myself I can grow and develop in the role. Previously, I was terrified of the future. This is a fundamentally good shift in perspective for which I am genuinely grateful.

Nevertheless, the blogs do highlight that I really did not have any idea what I was doing to begin with. Reading the early posts again was excruciating. They also highlight some recurring issues; my relationship with a problematic co-teacher; on-going and unresolved issues with the timing aspect of lesson planning; the negative affect of the school timetable and lesson sequence on the quality of my lessons; the difficulty of motivating ultra-passive students; and the vagaries involved in dealing with five different co-teachers.

I am grateful to the blog for the opportunity it has afforded me to see these things in a wider perspective. Often on a week to week or day by day basis you just deal with problems as you are confronted by them. So, it is informative to have a record to reflect on them as they happened over 15 weeks.

After I read the blogs I read my methodology assignments. I think I will try and use them as a model for the final presentation. To this end I have given myself a broad ‘question’ to address – ‘How have you developed as a teacher over the course duration?’ - which I will apply the assignment format to. Like in the assignments I will choose some transcripts (or videos in this case) and analyze them with regards to my teaching practice and pedagogic goals. I will also discuss the concepts and theories which inform and underpin these goals. This seems like a good model to apply.

The next task I set myself was selecting some videos to use. The assignment notes state that we should use two or three with about a month or so separating them. Conveniently, I have two batches of videos. I made several recordings at the end of September and several more in mid to late November. The problem I had here was time. I have 24 different video recordings of me giving a class. About 15 of these are 30 minutes long. There was no way I could watch them all so I spent a large part of the afternoon skimming through the videos trying to find representative clips from both the September and November selections. In the end I narrowed it down to four or 5 clips from which I will choose 2 or 3. Along the way however I made some observations, the most galling of which concerned the lack of visible difference between the early recordings and the later ones. I had hoped to find clips that showed a marked contrast, where an obvious, discernible difference was apparent. There are differences; in the early clips I use Korean a lot and wait for my co-teachers to translate; I don’t set up activities very well; and generally don’t really use any techniques that effectively motivate or engage the students. So whilst improvements are apparent in the later recordings it is not as if I am an entirely different person – it’s still me standing at the front of a classroom waving my hands about. I don’t know what I was expecting, maybe some kind of miraculous transformation, like I’m Robin Williams in ‘Dead Poet’s Society’ and the students are just hanging on my every word. I think I need to manage my own expectations.

My next task(s) is going to be to read through all my notes for each of the three classes (Methodology, SLA and ICC), then my answers to the Methodology week to week questions we used to do and then my SLA dialogue journals and assignments. I will reflect on this in tomorrow blog.

The Evolution of the Hand Shake

Overall I was relatively happy with the lesson idea that I came up with. I thought it was quite contemporary and highlighted a fascinating little facet of current American culture. I was also pleased with the lesson plan; it was simple and straightforward but entirely appropriate for the lesson. In the end I was also quite happy with the in-class delivery of the lesson. However, upon reflection I think there were some issues and problems which I should probably have anticipated in the planning stage.

Going into the planning stage I was looking forward to applying and using Moran’s cultural knowings framework as a guide and template. In particular I was excited to come up with a cultural experience the students could actually perform. The experiential focus of the framework is one of the most compelling aspects. Initially I have to say I was at a loss as to a topic or subject and discarded several poor ideas. For instance, I was going to explain the history and cultural background of why people in the West clink (chink) their glasses when saying cheers or giving toasts. I thought this would be great; I could use realia and bring in some cups and a non-alcoholic beverage and actually practice it like that. However, I mistakenly believed the history stemmed from a fear of being poisoned. When I researched the topic I found out this was an urban myth. The real history is far less interesting and far more difficult to succinctly explain in a ten minute lesson. So after a couple of similar disappointments I settled on something presumed to be relatively mundane; the evolution of the handshake. Clearly the handshake alone is too bland so I wanted to show how even hand gestures evolve over time and incorporated the high five and the new, Obama approved, upstart hand gesture – the fist bump.

Having settled on a topic I tried to think what the best TLC would be to actually deliver it. Because I wanted to deliver a highly interactive, participatory lesson where the students actually do all the actions I introduce, it seemed a pretty obvious choice to use the present continuous as the language goal. I felt this choice, along with the chosen subject matter, represented a neat marriage of target language content and cultural content. The subject matter is, I believe, interesting cultural content for any student with even a passing interesting in American culture or recent American history. I think showing that the fist bump gesture actually has roots in the Vietnam War is fascinating and reveals the deeper cultural elements at work behind what may initially appear to be a trivial act. Furthermore, I felt that the evolution model provided a logical and understandable flow that should be easy to follow and comprehend. Once these two elements were decided on the lesson came together quite quickly.

I decided that right from the beginning I wanted the students to be actively participating in the lesson physically and actively using the TLC straight away. I wanted every minute of the lesson to be packed with comprehensible input and interaction. The topic dictated the lesson in a way. I knew I wanted the students to do each gesture so I knew I would have to show pictures, then give an example, model the TLC, use some choral repetition and then have them practice both the gesture and TLC with a partner. So all I had to do was get some good images and videos for a PowerPoint presentation that I could refer to throughout the lesson. This way I could show them examples, show them the TLC, use the images to elicit information and generally have something to bounce off. I think the MIC techniques I used worked really well in delivering the TLC and the basic premise of the cultural topic. The response to the visuals was positive (the gif’s seemed to be popular) and the students appeared to respond well to the teacher’s encouraging body language. I tried to use lots of repetition and lots of rephrasing which appeared to help. I think the classroom interaction was also quite successful; the students seemed to enjoy and have fun practicing the gestures with each other. They were quite eager participants in the choral repetition too.

In retrospect, although I was happy with the lesson and would use it with my own students as a warm-up, I now feel it may have been a little too superficial in its description of the cultural content. I was happy with the ‘knowing how’ stage where the students actually get to do the cultural practise; they watched examples, they watched me give an example with a student and they got to practice with each other. I felt the ‘knowing about’ stage was fine; the PowerPoint did a good job of showing the different gestures in authentic contexts. The homework exercise I would have given covered the ‘knowing oneself’ part reasonably well by inviting the students to reflect on which gesture they liked the best and when would they use it. But I feel the ‘knowing why’ stage where the students should discover explanations was a little weak. The information I presented was fine in itself just not as comprehensive as it perhaps could have been. However, I would not want to go too deep as the activity is designed as a warm up. If I was going to expand it to a full lesson then I would embellish and add significantly more cultural and historical information.

One thing I would like to mention is just how nerve wracking it is giving any kind of presentation to your peers. I have no qualms about standing in front of my classes and co-teachers but giving a presentation to a class of peers is such a nerve wracking experience. I would have hoped that as you get older this feeling would fade but in my case it definitely has not. I feel just as nervous now giving presentations as I did as an undergraduate! I would even be less nervous just giving the presentations to the teachers. I am not sure how to work on this.

Ultimately, I was happy with the lesson; although nervous the in class teaching went well; the content was quite interesting and seemed to engage the students; the TLC was appropriate and effectively delivered and the TLC seemed to work well in conjunction with the cultural content. I look forward to planning more substantial lessons based around Moran’s ideas in the future.

‘Respect’

Monday 5^th, December, 2011

At the beginning of methodology class on Saturday we reflected on what kind of teachers we feel we are; what we get from teaching; and what our teaching philosophy is. Way back at the beginning of the course, for one of our first blog entries, we were asked to explain if there was a moral dimension that informed our decisions to become teachers. At the time I was at a loss; there did not seem to be any moral decision in my becoming a teacher. It was pointed out though that choosing to leave an unfulfilling career in investments, (‘manipulating money’), for a potentially more rewarding, socially responsible and worthwhile career in teaching is actually a fundamentally moral choice.

Early on in the course we were also asked if we felt like professionals. We read Johnston’s ‘Three facets of Language Teacher Identity’ and wrote in our blogs about how we perceive ourselves and felt the institutions we work in perceive us. At the time I was adamant that I did not feel like a professional; instead I felt like an impostor and charlatan. As we reflected on Saturday I was disappointed and depressed to realize that I might still feel the same way; I couldn’t think of a firm reason for why I’m actually a teacher, moral or otherwise; and a lot of the time I still struggle to see myself as a professional. However, in recent weeks, as my lessons have improved and not been as much of an uphill struggle I have begun to feel increasingly confident in my ability to reach higher levels of professionalism.

I commenced my lessons today with these thoughts swimming in my head and the classes I taught today helped me clarify some issues. The lessons today were fantastic; I was well prepared; I had excellent activities appropriate for the TLC; the lesson followed on from the prior lesson smoothly; there was further evidence of a marked improvement in engaging the students; every minute of class was filled with some kind of MIC or CI; I had the PowerPoint supporting the whiteboard supporting me, talking and acting; I’m not using Korean; and I’m generally happier and more confident knowing I have these tools at my fingertips. For example in one class we finished early and I improvised a five minute pair work activity using the lesson TLC. Previously, I was terrified of running out of material. In a sense this helps me answer some of the questions which have previously bewildered me – it is incredibly fulfilling being able to competently and successfully fill the role of teacher. I think delivering lessons like this really does allow me to see myself as a professional; I can actually do this and, if I put the work in, I can do it quite well.

Unfortunately, this makes the disparity in how at least one of my co-teachers sees me all the more upsetting. As I said today’s classes were wonderful. By this I mean the students were wonderful. I have discussed in other blog posts and occasionally in class my deteriorating relationship with one of my co-teachers. Today this particular lady was my co-teacher for all my classes. Her attitude towards me is horrible. I’m truly at a loss as to what to do about this. During my lessons she regularly just starts chatting to students when I’m in the middle of explaining something. At one point she walked up to a student and started asking them about a novel they had on their desk! Last week I was speaking to my head co-teacher who is a lovely woman. She was telling me what will happen for the rest of the school calendar – when the exams are, what the holiday dates are etc. When my head co-teacher left the room my problematic co-teacher turned to me, literally slapped an annotated calendar down in front of me and, very angrily, told me not to ask the head co-teacher questions; if I have questions I have to ask her! Is she really telling me not to speak to my head co-teacher?

I understand there are cultural differences but I don’t think that can account for the way this lady is acting. I hate to say it but this relationship really has a detrimental effect on how I view myself as a teacher in this institution. Clearly this particular co-teacher has a problem with my role in the school. I don’t know whether I should mention the problem to my head co-teacher or if I should continue to ignore it. If I mention it to my head co-teacher I think a loss of face will be involved so I don’t want to do that. But I have been trying to ignore her attitude and it just seems to make her worse – she goes out of her way to express her anger the more I try and avoid her.

As much as I love the students here and as much as I enjoy working with my other co-teachers I think I will have to find a different job at the end of this contract. I think this is the most responsible thing to do. Hopefully, a new role in a different institution will help me develop my teaching philosophy and my professional identity. Unfortunately as much as I wish I could just remove myself from this situation immediately I am locked into my contract until the middle of next year. I wish there was something I could do to ameliorate this situation. I have to teach winter camp with this co-teacher soon which means I will be spending a lot of time with her in the near future. I am genuinely depressed by this situation.

However, I am very happy to realize that the TESOL course has helped me feel more professional and competent and has removed a lot of my self doubt.